Lazy Bladder Control

What a life. I sat and looked at a friend's pictures on Facebook. They are so very happy with their life and as I went deeper into their photo album I become more cognitive of how absent from  their life I had become over the years. This journey is something on which I can't explain my emotions or thoughts too well. One view to take is that life's been an endless maze to nowhere with an endless cycle of chaos and pain. Tons of money, time, effort, creativity, and brainpower have been made completely worthless by the simple ill will of another person. Its in these times when there's no shortage of people to tell you about forty year old burnouts with mullets and how "Maybe things aren't meant to be." or "Maybe you should try something else."

(warning - this is just honest look inside my head. Its a scary place and its not always FCC compliant...I'll try to restrain my baser instincts but we'll see.)

Well. How about when something's wrong in your family life I suggest you take other routes for your life? What if someone popped out with "This whole family thing doesn't seem to be working out. Maybe you should look at an easier option." Seems ridiculous right? Having kids is a choice. Its a lifestyle you choose (maybe not planned but if you do the deed without birth control you're very much choosing that possibility).
It never ceases to be amusing to tell people "I'm in a band." when they ask what you do for a living. You lose any and all credibility in their eyes, no matter how much they deny it. You can tell.

(Being in a band is not what people think by any shape of the imagination. And you can't understand a musician unless you are one, and by that I don't mean someone who plays an instrument. Big difference.)

There you have it, the negative possible method of thinking.  The constant struggle and the line of people waiting to deliver their public service announcement advocating doubt and an overall defeatist attitude. I opt for train of thought number two ( this is the party train). I'm a recovering realist (the battle cry of any completely thorough pessimist) and as life goes on, I realize the destination of all life is death. The destination is the conclusion of the adventure. So many people just look past their life looking for that next milestone where they think happiness and peace comes. Waiting for that next big step they think is what they're looking to find when in reality the satisfaction comes from the work to achieve the goal.... not the goal itself. So here I am, without a dollar to my name, no real recognition that the world would define as success. Yet.. I'm proud of my life. I've lived longer on less than most believe is possible. I've survived an abnormal couple of years, and for now I find that a huge comfort. Cause that whole american dream - 9 to 5, wife, house, and kids makes me think that bullets would need to be part of my complete breakfast. I want to make people dirty their diapers in the old folks home ( from regaling them with comical yarns not from lazy bladder control). I want to go out as someone that people shake their heads at. Yes, I adore attention. My name is Elisha and I'm an attention whore. I was made to entertain, write, and make music. That's my life. End of story.
I may end up broke and a failure in the eyes of the world. But the ability to look oneself in the eye in the mirror and be confident and happy with your life choices is priceless. The two words that will haunt you more than any other is "What if?"

Look at that. Made it the whole way through without saying %$#* once!

Im in a band...no its not in my garage.

So when I tell people "I'm in a band." You can tell they have one of a few reactions. Aside from assuming I'm a loser that doesn't want to work for a living and chasing a junior high pipe dream, you can tell from that moment on they will not take you seriously. People assume i drink beer and make chaos in my friends garage, and believe me, I've made plenty of noise in the early day ( my poor mother had to hear sweet child of mine for a week straight when i learned the solo) and I've drank more than my fair share of booze, but pursuing music is something I was born to do. I don't do it to get money, I don't put up with the constant struggle I've been through to get laid, and I sure don't do it to avoid work. This has been without a shadow of a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. With each stage you go through, more work, more sacrifice, more money, and more trials you have to go through. Its something your just have to do. There's no real way to explain it.

Faith is Forever

I discovered this post on my FB wall from the end of 2008. Felt interesting as I've come full circle from this note and am not too far away from this feeling as I type this.


Well, what a year. Every time you think you've got life figured out it comes along and beats you to death with irony. These last two monthes have brought hope into my life that the other 10 had nearly killed. My lifetime dream is starting to take shape finally after 4 years of solid failure. When i look back at all thats changed since last christmas i almost don't believe its only been a year, yet somehow it feels like an eternity. I had my life savings stolen in Feb, went through 5 cars, watched a friend and two coworker's spiral into hard drug addiction, watched one said coworker overdose, got stabbed, broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 6 years, went through 10 band mates (one of which threatened to kill me then begged me to move in with him) and obama is our president elect. Theres been a lot of learning this year, a lot of mistakes, a lot of dissapointment but these last two months have lifted my spirits and given me a sense that i am on the verge of something great. The result of tons of auditions and aweful situations has finally paid off. Looking for 4 years, and we found them all in the same neighborhood within 3 weeks of each other. Looking forward to see what 2009 holds for Stained Angel. I myself will continue putting one foot in front of the other, because everything may change, but faith is forever.


Let me start by saying that I have had some interesting times in the first three years of pursuing my dream and met some shall we say colorful characters along the way. And by colorful I mean psychotic, narcissistic, scumbags hellbent on doing nothing and expecting the rock and roll stork to bring them success and leave it on their doorstep in a fleece throw ( such as the one I'm wrapped up in now... it was affordable, comfy, and purple...that is to say 'perfect'). So just to get all the negative year end wrap up out of the way, lets just make a list of the negative things. I'm not complaining mind you,. I'm not saying I'd have rather done exploratory surgery on myself with a rolling pen and a live rooster with a healthy crack addiction, but I'm not completely rejecting that course of action as an amicable alternative to this years happenings. Lets see....

- Walked in on my band mate engaged in premarital relations with my girlfriend.

- My Grandmother passed the next morning. And the next day...

- Discovered said band members had copyrighted our debut album that we had spent over $10,000 and worked on for two years of          our lives. Can't use it, can't sell it, can't release it. 

- Had to cancel several thousands of dollars worth of shows.

- Got stuck with a lease to a house we couldn't afford.

- Moved to a house in Florida without AC. 95 degrees in your living room at 2 am...someone fetch me that rooster and a ten piece. I need him focused.

- Had little to no work for the majority of our time in Daytona. 

- Got evicted from our home with i think about 48 hrs notice, despite being paid up on rent. 

- Line up change....

- Got all my music gear except for one guitar stolen.

- After moving 3000 miles to add three members to the band, two of them quit without any honest explanation right before our first show.... and throw in some issues that prolly shouldn't be made public..you get the idea. 

So here's what I've gotten out of this :

I have a best friend who's always been there through thick and thin. Played one of the best shows I've been blessed to perform. Discovered who my true friends were. This little nugget is really much more valuable than you'd think. Got a third band member and friend that shares me and Kyle's dream and vision.  My determination is stronger than ever, thankfully God doubled up on the blind stubborn determination in my recipe. I Learned to laugh in a situation when your only real valid option was committing armed robbery to keep from starving to death. All this conflict has proved I have what it takes to achieve my dream. I've never doubted my dream. I was made to persevere, I was made to overcome.

"My heart and soul would always say, rock the people."