What a life. I sat and looked at a friend's pictures on Facebook. They are so very happy with their life and as I went deeper into their photo album I become more cognitive of how absent from their life I had become over the years. This journey is something on which I can't explain my emotions or thoughts too well. One view to take is that life's been an endless maze to nowhere with an endless cycle of chaos and pain. Tons of money, time, effort, creativity, and brainpower have been made completely worthless by the simple ill will of another person. Its in these times when there's no shortage of people to tell you about forty year old burnouts with mullets and how "Maybe things aren't meant to be." or "Maybe you should try something else."
(warning - this is just honest look inside my head. Its a scary place and its not always FCC compliant...I'll try to restrain my baser instincts but we'll see.)
Well. How about when something's wrong in your family life I suggest you take other routes for your life? What if someone popped out with "This whole family thing doesn't seem to be working out. Maybe you should look at an easier option." Seems ridiculous right? Having kids is a choice. Its a lifestyle you choose (maybe not planned but if you do the deed without birth control you're very much choosing that possibility).
It never ceases to be amusing to tell people "I'm in a band." when they ask what you do for a living. You lose any and all credibility in their eyes, no matter how much they deny it. You can tell.
(Being in a band is not what people think by any shape of the imagination. And you can't understand a musician unless you are one, and by that I don't mean someone who plays an instrument. Big difference.)
There you have it, the negative possible method of thinking. The constant struggle and the line of people waiting to deliver their public service announcement advocating doubt and an overall defeatist attitude. I opt for train of thought number two ( this is the party train). I'm a recovering realist (the battle cry of any completely thorough pessimist) and as life goes on, I realize the destination of all life is death. The destination is the conclusion of the adventure. So many people just look past their life looking for that next milestone where they think happiness and peace comes. Waiting for that next big step they think is what they're looking to find when in reality the satisfaction comes from the work to achieve the goal.... not the goal itself. So here I am, without a dollar to my name, no real recognition that the world would define as success. Yet.. I'm proud of my life. I've lived longer on less than most believe is possible. I've survived an abnormal couple of years, and for now I find that a huge comfort. Cause that whole american dream - 9 to 5, wife, house, and kids makes me think that bullets would need to be part of my complete breakfast. I want to make people dirty their diapers in the old folks home ( from regaling them with comical yarns not from lazy bladder control). I want to go out as someone that people shake their heads at. Yes, I adore attention. My name is Elisha and I'm an attention whore. I was made to entertain, write, and make music. That's my life. End of story.
I may end up broke and a failure in the eyes of the world. But the ability to look oneself in the eye in the mirror and be confident and happy with your life choices is priceless. The two words that will haunt you more than any other is "What if?"
Look at that. Made it the whole way through without saying %$#* once!
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